That one time when I had a goat in my Land Rover

"Makoyouidiot" (makaan12) 02/26/2014 at 18:18 • Filed to: truckyeah

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For the guys over at Truck Yeah...(I never did find the picture, btw, so just imagine the Disco above...with 3 goats in it)

Anyway, last year, I decided that large areas of my yard that I can't mow due to debris and old rusty stuff laying out in them, needed to be cleared of plant life. To that end, I decided, without telling my wife, to get some goats. My local radio station does a program every morning called the Bargain Box, where folks call/text/email in stuff they have for sale or are looking for, so I called in saying I was looking for a couple of goats, gave my number, and waited. A few minutes later, my phone rang with a lady from a nearby town who had 2 adult pygmy goats, one male and one female, and a baby male that came with the female, for 25 bucks apiece. I figure that's a reasonable price, as I've seen single goats go for double or triple that in my area. So I arrange to meet at her house to pick them up. I call my old man and ask to borrow his horse trailer to bring them home, but he says he has it full of my neice's belongings after she moved into a smaller place, and didn't know when it would be cleared out. So I figure, what's the worst that could happen, they'll fit in my Disco!

At this time I decide I MIGHT need to inform my wife of my plans, thankfully she is agreeable, although she has her doubts, as she's never been around a goat. So we head up to the lady's house, meet the three goats, only the male of which has a name, which is Herman. Herman is a pet, the lady says, and she even takes him to the store and lets him ride in the passenger seat, which I think is kinda cool, but whatever. After paying, we, with difficulty, load the three into the back of the Disco after folding the seats, forming a "impenetrable" wall between us and the goats. Or so I thought.

We head out, and it's 25 miles back to my house, by the way...but no problems so far, and I'm thinking this is great, have the windows rolled down to help with the earthy beast smell, not so bad...until Herman decides that since he has been a pet all his life, and the previous owner let him ride in the front, then he damn well will ride in the front. Even though my wife is in the front. You probably get where this is going. Yes, he leapt the seats, and upon discovering that my wife was in the way, proceeded to balance on the center console, sometimes jumping to one side or the other as we drove along to look out the windows. This goat probably weighed around 50-70lbs, and his goddamn hooves were like blades. By now we are alternating between gales of laughter and grunts/shouts of pain when he jumps on us...and then we start seeing people we know as we get closer to the house, which elicits many odd looks. Although to be fair we were getting those anyway. Our phones were ringing like crazy. Then, Herman decided he needed to do a poo. On my neck. Thank God goat pellets are mostly dry. We finally get home and unload all the goats, and then I discover what the other two had been up to in the back while we were distracted. Yes, my Disco was full of goat pellets and goat pee, and while my wife put the goats into the backyard, I proceeded to clean it all up. Took me a shop vac and three hours, and that poor Disco never did smell the same afterwards...

TL;DR: I bought goats and took them home in my Land Rover. You could do the same if you wanted. DON'T.

TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma > Makoyouidiot 02/26/2014 at 18:40

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You rockin this radical paint job?

Makoyouidiot > TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma 02/26/2014 at 18:50

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Those are actually vinyl stickers...I had them put on for my birthday, then sold the Disco 6 months later. And the new owners proceeded to remove them. Heh.

TillTheWheelsFallOff: Brocoma > Makoyouidiot 02/26/2014 at 19:05

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Aww, that's too bad. I like em!